Posted by : Gary Green
Sincerity
I got into a discussion recently about sincerity. A young woman had expressed frustration about not finding anyone who would be sincere with her. As we talked it became clear to me that her frustration was with the false image most of us project to protect our real self hidden deep below. So, why do we do this and more importantly, why should we be concerned about it? As I see it the problem is this: Humans are social animals and as social animals we have social needs. One of those needs is the need for emotional intimacy. What I mean by that is we have a need to have people in our lives that we can share our deepest secrets and be accepted without judgmental thinking. Additionally, as social animals we have a need to belong to a group. Where the trouble comes in is when we start hiding parts of ourself from our “group” because we are afraid they will reject us. The more we do this, the less our need for emotional intimacy gets met. When our needs don’t get met, we suffer and get sick. The good news that if someone gets sick because their emotional intimacy needs are not being met, they will start to heal if we teach them how to get their needs met. There are two parts–being real (sincerity) and acceptance. If you can’t offer your friends acceptance to match the acceptance they give you, it is likely they won’t be around for long.
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